Bad Writing

I picked this book to read because it promised some intricate thriller plotting, a large Government conspiracy, an insight (however simplified) into the machinations of post-Thatcher pre-Blair politics in England, while not requiring much brain engagement.

Michael Dobbs, the author, used to work as an advisor to Margaret Thatcher. With Chris Ryan he shows that being in a particular profession shouldn’t get your substandard thriller published. Because it will be awful.

On pages 8 and 9 I came across this:

As the first suggestion of dusk settled across the June skies, four sets of HMI mercury oxidee lamps clicked on with a dull thud, illuminating the entire building with 10,000 watts of high intensity power. The brilliant beams of light pierced deep behind the mock Georgian facade seeking out and attacking those inside. A curtain fluttered at a third floor window as someone took a quick glance at the scene outside before retreating quickly.

So far, it’s not horrible despite being horribly overwritten. Then this hit me:

The moth also saw the lamps. It was resting in a crevice in the mortar of the building , waiting for the approaching dusk. As the shafts of light began to pierce through its drowsiness, the moth begain to tingle with excitement.

The lamps glowed deep and inviting, like nothing it had ever known. It stretched its wings as the light began to warm the early evening air, sending a tremor throughout its entire body. The moth was drawn as if by a magnet and, as it approached, the glow of the lamps became more intense and hypnotic. The moth had never felt like this before.

Now if you had to skip some of that, I don’t blame you. But just read the last sentence.

The was as brilliant as the sun yet much much more approachable.

Its wings strained still harder in the early evening air, forcing its body along the golden river of light. It was a source of unimaginable power which seemed to be dragging the willing
moth ever deeper into its grasp. Nearer and nearer it flew – until;, with one final triumphant thrust, it was there!

There was a bright flash and crackle as the moth’s body hit the lens a millisecond before its wings wrapped around the searing glass and vaporised. A charred and blackened carcass fell back from the lamp towards the ground. The night had gained the first of its victims.

WTF? Who wants to know about a moth in such intricate and verbose detail?

This kind of thing happens throughout the book. There are 7 viewpoint characters in the first 10 pages alone (and I’m including the moth. It had never felt that way before).

There is some good description, however. Take this example from page 18:

The carefully manufactured attempt at outward authority had never fully hidden the insecurity within.

That is a really good, concise summing up of this guy. But it’s preceded by a page of description of the same exact thing. The bad far outweighs the good in there.

Well, I will finish this book no matter what, a personal rule of mine. But if you’re an aspiring author of novels (comme moi), please don’t write like this. Ever. It should be clear why.