Rememberance

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

XKCD

I have an intense hatred of the popular webcomic xkcd.

It represents a failure in humor, relying on predictable set-ups and non-existent punchlines. This is “nerd humor”, apparently, a euphemism for “not funny”. A reference to maths or things on the internet does not instantly make stick figure drawings entertaining.

A blog has been dedicated to explaining each comic, another for detailing how much it sucks.

To spare you, my two main points are:

  1. It isn’t funny (there are no “jokes” for want of a better word, or any attempts at challenging or engaging the audience).
  2. The “art” sucks. Seriously. If you’re going to make a stick figure webcomic, at least have an interesting or unique sense of humor (see no. 1).

Six (way better) webcomics you will enjoy if you like xkcd:

And a few more I recommend but have quite different sensibilities:

Any xkcd fans, feel free to bawl me out in the comments.

Saving Private Ryan – The Greatest War Film of All Time?

Here’s a magazine-style essay piece I wrote about Saving Private Ryan. It’s kind of rambling (1198 words) and won’t make sense unless you’ve seen the film (maybe spoilers for the opening scenes and general plot later on), but I got an A* for it, so I don’t care what you think. The links and pictures are added, but nothing else only a typo has been changed.

Saving Private Ryan came at a crucial turning point in Steven Spielberg’s career. Previously reliably known for his perfect for children yet artistically-unfulfilling chain of blockbusters, this, along with 1993’s Schindler’s List, marked a change of direction into serious historical territory. While awards had always been forthcoming – E.T. was up against Gandhi for Best Picture Oscar® 1983 (Gandhi won, thankfully) – Saving Private Ryan was that rare blend, particularly seen in war movies, of critical acclaim and box offices success, mixing and matching the heady thrill of battles with moral theorizing, often at the same time.

Left to right foreground: Tom Sizemore, Tom Hanks as soldiers on the boats at D-Day

There’s little indication of this to start with. After a mercilessly long and pointless opening with some old dude, the movie proper begins. June 6th, 1944. The date is already ringing a bell. The beach is covered in iron anti-tank crosses. This is Omaha, and the Normandy beach landings are about to begin, now well-known as D-Day. Spielberg mentioned in an interview that his father, who fought in Burma during WW2, used to say, “Nobody ever makes a movie about my war except as an excuse to do action.” Perhaps it was this particular misrepresentation that Steven Spielberg wanted to correct for a modern-day audience with Saving Private Ryan.

The most striking and immediate way that this is achieved in the opening scene is with the camera. Hand-held photography, or “shaky-cam” in common parlance, is employed throughout, creating the feel of a Signal Corps cameraman. These dedicated photographers of still and moving film were there with the soldiers during the real landing at Omaha beach and other military operations, documenting all that transpired for the benefit of the people at home and in the future. Certain shots, where the camera falls over, ducks for cover, or hesitates before running alongside the actors, were deliberately edited into the final film, as well as brief moments when blood or sand cover the camera lens. This makes for a lot of disorientation, confusion, and ultimately the sense that we, the viewers, are there, fighting (or hiding at least) with the characters that we will come to know very personally by the end of the film.

The real D-Day

The whistle sounds. No more time for the little people, this is war on a grand scale. And yet we never lose sight of the individual. As they are shot, maimed, search for their own body parts, cry for far away parents, they are still people. Cut to the other side. The German soldiers are firing relentlessly, but they are all in silhouette. The landings are far away, not so much visually (an extra long lens helps fix that), but personally. We’ve lost the humanity. The enemy have no humanity. This, what propaganda has dictated for decades, is how you deal with the horrors of war. They are your enemy. Don’t get to know them, perhaps they are not even recognizably human. Of course, in reality, this works out very differently, as seen when the principal characters encounter a German later in the film, and no-one knows how to deal with him.

After the initial wave of dead bodies, the humanization of the soldiers continues. A shell explodes next to Tom Hanks, and for a few minutes, he is practically deaf, a hollow ringing in his ears (and in the audience’s through some inspired sound design and mixing). From his point of view, we see people carrying a flame-thrower being engulfed in flames and a soldier searching for his lost arm. He picks up his helmet, tipping out a large volume of mingled water and blood, and returns it to his head. Someone asks for orders. He can’t hear. He is helpless. And likewise, we the audience are helpless, unable to jump through the silver screen and re-assert a peaceful order of things. All we, Sergeant Miller and us, can do is watch, voyeurs to the brutal carnage around us, as our friends from beforehand and acquaintances from the brief time on the boat are cut down all around us. The slow-motion lends a sense of heightened senses and reality, making it all the more torturous being unable to help them.

Basically it’s saying upfront: this movie doesn’t mess around.

The rest of the film rides on the initial strength. For those who don’t know, it chronicles the story of Tom Hanks’ character Capt. John H. Miller, who recruits a rag-tag team of misfit US soldier after the D-Day landings to rescue one James Francis Ryan as he’s the last of three brothers left alive after the Normandy campaign in World War 2.

As the D-Day scene wraps up the loose ends, the weary viewer is unwillingly confronted with the same horrific sight as Tom Hanks; the dead, the dying, the futility of war; and as the sweeping emotional score interjects to yank at the heartstrings, the bloodshed and carnage recedes into the faded-sepia toned memory of the past – quite like history. Saving Private Ryan has a strange relationship with history. Scrawled from the perspective of fifty years later, this presents the movie as an artifact to spur remembrance, of veterans and their comrades’ sacrifices. Post-Vietnam, an unsuccessful and controversial conflict which spawned a whole glut of war movies and their own unique sub-genre, Saving Private Ryan is a constant reminder of a completely different generation’s sacrifice.

Tom Hanks, near the end of the movie.

Although it may not take as brave a stance as, say, Johnny Got His Gun or other examples of the genre, Saving Private Ryan still has a good deal to say about war, dissecting and criticizing the act of it, yet embracing what it stands for. It’s this paradox that somehow staves the characters through the traumatic experiences they are forced into, knowing that they are fighting for a higher cause which is never questioned. Even if the chain of command, the rescue mission itself is criticized, even by Capt. Miller, it’s always imperative that they remember this: their mission is to win the war. This logic jump neatly side-steps all the intrinsic problems that the characters might have with their premise.

The value of life is revisited often throughout Saving Private Ryan. On the face of it, the plot is one expression of this – forcing a group of eight people to risk their lives to save just one. However, it is a theme also befitting war, the backdrop to which this search-and-rescue mission takes place. In one lengthy scene nearing the middle of the movie, Tom Hanks absent-mindedly recollects how he’s always been able to reassure himself that when he was sacrificing men’s lives it was to save more lives than what it cost. In this way, life becomes quantifiable, unimportant, a game of numbers and chance – and pretty big numbers at that. It’s just another way war warps the outlook and perspective of people, including the audience, who are immersed in it. In other words, everything is quite FUBAR.

Saving Private Ryan is, put simply, one of the greatest war films of all time. It deals with all the familiar themes of loyalty, death, and sacrifice, but does so maturely, bringing World War 2, which had never previously been treated in such a way, to life, in all its gory glory.

As well as this one, I also recommend: The Bridge on the River Kwai, Johnny Got His Gun (see above link for DVD trailer), A Matter of Life and Death, The Longest Day as really good war movies.

NaNoWriMo

Some of you will know what I’m talking about when I saw NaNoWriMo, but for everyone’s benefit:

Na – National

No – Novel

Wri – Writing

Mo – Month

It’s as simple as that. Sign up to the website and write 50,000 words of a novel over the month of November.

I did it last year and it was really good, even though my novel ended up being a big mess. I’m back in the game this year, and hope to produce something better.

See ya there!

Mixtape

Cover

Back Cover

Click here to download. 25.8 MB, 37 min. approx run time.

Inspired and intrigued by one of my favourite blogs, I have created a mixtape. It’s a bit rough around the edges (i.e., you might have to turn your volume up and down a few times), but I’m learning, promise!

I mixed this with Audacity, free audio editing software, and the cover is made with Inkscape.

Really I think the surprise of the tracks is important to its enjoyment, but here’s a track listing anyway:

  1. Metamorphosis 1 (instrumental) – Philip Glass
  2. Freight Train – Chas McDevitt & Nancy Whiskey
  3. My Friend Dario (Dima Prefers Newbeat Mix) – Vitalic
  4. Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap
  5. The Humans are Dead – Flight of the Concords
  6. Drug – Brian Tyler
  7. Radio/Video – System of a Down
  8. Cute Machines – Scars on Broadway
  9. No More Memory – Cyriak

There are a few bonuses sounds in there as well.

Please check out all of these artists – they are great. I already have a Christmas one ready to go, but that won’t be for a few months yet.

Bride of Frankenstein

So, as promised, I watched Bride of Frankenstein recently. (Some vague spoilers ahead, but seriously, it’s over 70 years old, so quit yer whinin’.)

Forget the Bride. She’s hardly in it. Technically she’s married to Henry Frankenstein, while the female monster is actually the bride of Frankenstein’s Monster, so stuff her. This movie, like the original Frankensein (also one of my faves), is an acting tour-de-force from Boris Karloff as the Monster.

And what a monster. He may be perhaps the most complex horror movie monster of all time.

Frankenstein

3rd pic result for 'horror movie monster'. A travesty.

Halfway through, my mind switched off to the corniness, to the ludicrous “science”, to the strange characters that didn’t do anything in the story. I began to see the film on a hyper-subtextual level, if there is such a thing.

Yes, there’s the whole Adam/Eve allegory as well as the science vs. nature angle, but the reason this movie works is because we can relate to Frankenstein. Frankenstein is us.

He is us individually and as the whole of humanity. He follows his base instincts and desires, because he knows no better. He is placated by alcohol, cigarettes, music, killing, and our other little vices

His moral compass is firmly of two shades: “good… bad!”.

He pursues relationships (or “friends”) like they were a drug, doing anything in pursuit of a meaningful (and “good!”) existence.

When he is confronted with himself (literally, with his own reflection), he’s horrified, and tries to destroy the image. Likewise, the titular Bride is as revolted by Frankenstein, as everyone else is. This confrontation drives him to do terrible things, even killing himself, anything to prevent him from having to realize what he really is.

And only the insane understand him.

That’s where I lost it a bit, but it’s still an amazing film.

Anyone who likes film (horror movies especially) has to see at least one classic Universal horror film, otherwise they’re talking out of their ass.

Van Helsins

And if they like Van Helsing, you are legally required to kick that talking ass.

What better than the iconic original Frankenstein? Buy em together, and enjoy a mean double bill.

Annual Seasonally Inappropriate Post

Well, it’s that time of year again. When people all over the world come together to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus.

Although you wouldn’t know it from some store decorations, it’s almost Hallowe’en. Short for All Hallow’s Eve, which is why there’s an apostrophe.

For many, Hallowe’en will involve the traditional practices of trick-or-treating, dressing up parties, and the latest Saw sequel. They’re up to six.

As for me, I will be sitting at home watching bad horror movies. The Bride of Frankenstien is on the menu, as is Army of Darkness, Susperia, and the original Halloween, all of which, to my great shame, I have yet to see. A repeat of Troll 2 might sneak in there somewhere.

Etymology of the Zombie Film, and Zombieland’s place

My Zombieland post comes a little late. So sue me.

It’s a big claim to call a zombie movie original. But Zombieland is.

Zombieland

Why are there no zombies in this picture?

Before The Night of the Living Dead, zombie films were about voodoo-possessed people. NOTLD, along with its sequels Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, invented the flesh-chomping brain-dead modern zombie.

Despite spawning many knock-offs (the Return of the Living Dead series is supposedly the best of these), you know it hadn’t hit the mainstream until there was a Simpsons parody.

Dial Z for Zombies, the third segment of Treehouse of Horror III (1992), is also noticeable for popularising the fallacy that zombies crave BRAINS! (which really doesn’t make sense: how would they get through the skull?)

Despite some ambitious but flawed low-budget entries, the zombie sub-genre grew stagnant until 2004’s funny and successful Shaun of the Dead.

George A. Romero (the ‘A’ stands for ‘a fucking genius’, according to Tarantino), the master of the undead, is in the middle of a comeback with a triple whammy of Land of the Dead, Diary of the Dead, and the as of yet unreleased Survival of the Dead (previously Island of the Dead). He is also producing the remake of his film The Crazies. None of these have exactly been critically acclaimed, at least not on the same scale as the originals.

You see, it turns out it’s hard to make a good zombie film.

Which is what Zombieland does so well. It doesn’t bend the rules in a crazy new way, as many have tried and failed at, it just takes what tropes service the story and out-of-handedly rejects the rest.

Zombieland is very hard to pin down, especially in the zombie genre, which often makes heavy-handed political or social points to the point of their undoing. And it’s all the better for it. You feel it says something potent, about humanity maybe, but it’s not possible to articulate in terms other than the movie’s.

Seriously, don’t spoil any of this movie for yourself (and that includes checking out IMDb). I went into it without knowing much other than the title and that it was good.

I really want to see a sequel or TV show (which it was originally written as).

I give it an A+7*** out of 10. Because I can’t say no to Woody Harrelson (or Abigail Breslin – she’s a great actress with a great career ahead of her).

If, like me, you are interested in this kind of thing and are so inclined, you can download the screenplay here. Just make sure to see it first.

Trapped in the Closet (R. Kelly)

Coined the term urban opera. Also coined the term narcassistic crap-fest of stupidity.

Coined the term "hip-hopera". Also coined the term "narcissistic crap-fest of suckness".

Man, I spent almost an hour watching this. I didn’t even get to the end of the episodes that have been released (more have been promised/threatened). But it was worth it.

If you aren’t familiar, here’s Wikipedia’s reliable description:

Trapped in the Closet is an urban opera, R&B opera, or hip-hopera released by contemporary R&B singer R. Kelly in 2005. The songs relate an ongoing narrative, which Kelly and Jive Records promoted by releasing each chapter to radio stations one at a time.

Weird Al and South Park did parodies of it (the latter on the infamous Scientology-baiting episode also named “Trapped in the Closet”).

One: Im gonna shoot you both. Two: Im gonna cap some bitch!

"One: I'm gonna shoot you both. Two: I'm gonna cap some bitch!"

Characters and locations weave in and out of the episodes, each of which ends in a crazy cliff-hanger, the characters pulling guns and mouthing sung obscenities at each other for no reason, all at the mercy of R. Kelly’s dubious-at-best-rhymes.

A friggen’ midget (I would say “little person”, but then I’m politically correct) is introduced to the “narrative”, just because the word “rhymes” with twisted. Here’s the lyric in full:

Now pause the movie ’cause what I’m about to say to ya’ll is so damn twisted,
Not only is there a man in his cabinet, but the man is a MIDGET!

Anyway, if you have 40 minutes to kill on some stupid but entertaining crap (who doesn’t?), check out the first 12 chapters on Google Video. It’s better than paying for it.

Then check out the Weird Al parody, and the South Park episode, if you haven’t already.

Troll – I get around to seeing the original

Spoilers: If you really think the plot of Troll is an integral part of its entertainment value, then you’re stupid.

This film blew my mind. Or rather, my mind was blown while watching it. I suddenly thought, “I’m only watching this because another movie was made, surreptitiously called a sequel, and they came bundled together on DVD.” And then the only reason I learnt of and watched Troll 2 is because of a documentary about it.

Which brings me to my main point:

Two characters in this movie are named Harry Potter. Harry friggen’ Potter.

SEE THE RESEMBLANCE?!?!?!

SEE THE RESEMBLANCE?!?!?!

Oh, and there are some trolls and stuff in it as well.

For some reason the head troll wants to turn everyone’s apartment into different magic worlds. When this mysterious habboju is finished, the magic universe of the magic beings will explode into four dimensions, using magic stop-motion plant-tentacles, which, I’m informed by the interwebs, was very advanced SFX at the time.

My pet peeve is bad child acting. We saw this in Troll 2. And in Mary Poppins. And a crapton of old (read: before 1999’s The Sixth Sense) movies. Troll, however, has some of the best child acting I’ve seen.

Suck it up, Haley Joel Osment.

Especially Wendy, the little girl. For most of the movie she’s playing a troll impersonating her character, and she’s damn convincing.

One scene almost made me cry. I don’t cry at many movies – the ending of Cast Away is pretty much it. But this scene got to me on a very real way. It probably helped that they were no dodgy troll puppets in it.

Wendy and her little person friend (trolls don’t know better, so she calls him an “elf”) go into his apartment. He tells her that he’s going to die soon, and that, as a young boy, he escaped from his disfigurement into his magical imagination. Cut away to Wendy. Smiling knowingly.

I started welling up.

Soon I was in tears. Of laughter. Again. Because she turns him into a mini-troll. With the same face. Only smaller.

Seek out this gem if you haven’t seen it. The review and comments on www.badmovies.org, where you can also see a short scene, are worth it.

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